I am making my glorious return to college today. I went in for one lecture on Friday and had dinner with friends, but haven’t started into that good learning yet. Having been sick for most of January, I missed the first week and all my intro lectures, and have been flicking through course outlines and grimacing at the number of group projects that I have to do this semester (it’s four. UGH.) I should be preparing readings and forms and my bag for the day, but I am not. What I am trying (not very successfully) to do is to prepare myself for what college holds: space and people.
When you spend a month in the company of a handful of people, in a handful of places, the world becomes self-contained and finite and manageable. And then one goes back to a 13,000-strong campus to complete a degree that you are essentially making up as you go along, and the world and society and the sheer amount of other humans that share this same space with you becomes massive and overwhelming and terrifying.
I do not mean to claim this in any agoraphobic way (a condition which I do not have), but rather as a niggling underlying set of thoughts and feelings that poke away at the consciousness to reveal the chaotic shape of society. These instructions to focus on my own little bit of the world, coupled with my inability to put a pin in the larger injustices and marginalisations that surround us, leads to this overcoming awareness at the expounding volume of the population.
I have become quite adept, over the years, at maintaining a calm demeanour at all times. The occasional straw-breaking-the-camel’s-back meltdown pops up every now and then, but for the most part, I keep a good face, a haphazard balance between mother and mystique (or so I tell myself.) This allows me to go through the day and (to some extent) interact with strangers and acquaintances without revealing my increasing discomfort around anyone who does not fall into the categories of family or close friends.
Things are boring. Classes are boring. There are too many thoughts and hardly enough brain space to order them into a rational fashion. The world is very large and filled with people. Writing helps. Even when it’s an incoherent ramble.
My lovelies, coming out is difficult. So here is the contribution of Out in UL to the baby queers of the world, Coming Out in UL. It also contains my not too pretty but turned awesome coming out story, and I hope that any little bit of it might help.
Much love, darling GSMs,
It’s that time of year again, guys – Queerbash! And after the roaring success of Queerbash 9: Queers Go Native, we are back for our 10th Birthday 🙂
We’re going all out for hitting double digits, with free cake for the first 100 people through the door, and amazing acts including UL Dance, UL Choral, UL Drama, DJ John Kelly, Milk Baby, and hosted by the wonderful Candy Warhol and the fabulous Davina Devine. Did I mention there would be cake?
Let out your inner Marie Antoinette and go all out with Out in UL in Dolan’s Warehouse, 22nd March at 9pm. And you’ll be there at 9 – cake, remember?
Hope to see you all there, kids x
I started my mental health placement today. Its nice, the nurses are lovely, and its right down the street from my mom’s office which means I have a built in lunch buddy. What I didn’t realise is how I would handle being in an environment where mental illness is treated.
It’s very close to home. I sit in on clinics and listen to clients with depression talk about their lives and I recognise myself. I ask the psychiatrist hypothetical questions and then freak myself out by jumping to the conclusion that he just predicted my future. I read MIMS and wonder why my doctor didn’t put me on this or that drug and ponder on whether I would have recovered more quickly had he.
I hate these trains of thought because it shows that I am living in the past. I am scared (not least because of my off kilter moods and thought streams which have hung around for the last fortnight.) I wish that I was in a better place for this placement (and all of the placements because the routine change is really killing me in terms of staying stable.)
So I am going to detach a bit. Not from patients, not for one second. But from myself. This is not life. Not anymore. And I have to remember that.
It’s Rainbow Week again! Out in UL are doing an entire week to raising the visibility of the LGBTQ community and having the craic and banter in the process.
Last night, Milk Baby regaled us at our mural reveal in the Stables and that’s just the beginning.
If you are around UL today, stop and chat with Billie in Sex and the Courtyard where you can stop, chat, ask those burning questions and become completely empowered. Tonight, we are also having our Big Night In where we will be debating the relevance of Pride and watching Transamerica.
Wednesday has our Trans Tea Party: Beyond LGB in the Stables, where Mr Gay Pantibar, Sean Meehan will be talking about his experiences in the competition and where we will be providing information on the members of the community outside the lesbian, gay and bisexual sections.
Drag Day is Thursday where students will be raising money for the Red Ribbon Project by glamming up for the day, followed by the Big Night Out in Bakers which will be hosting some of the best in Limerick’s LGBTQ talent!
We’re winding down Friday with a Recovery Brunch in the morning and TGIF with International Soc in the evening.
Tell your friends and get ready to get fabulous 🙂
Happy belated Halloween! Halloween has always been my favourite holiday. Whether it’s my fascination with gothicism or my love of costume, I have never not dressed up and I have never bought a costume. I’ve been repeating costumes a lot in the last two years because I haven’t had anywhere to go or time to commit to sewing but I still try.
I was on placement yesterday so going out was a no go but I still had time to zombie up for UL Zombie Walk! What better way to spend an evening than become the walking dead with your awesome friends to raise money for the Mid West Rape Crisis Centre.
(All photos are property of UL Photographic Society)
Happy Samhain kids.
To kick off UL Rainbow Week, Out in UL are holding Queer Ball on the 5th November at 7pm in the Absolute Hotel, Limerick. If you like your gay nights out laced with fun, frolics, formal wear and fabulousness, then this is the night for you! Dinner, dancing and delight, its the perfect way to start off your Rainbow Week.
Tickets cost €30 for the full event, €15 for afters and are available from the Absolute hotel, ULSU reception, any committee member, firstname.lastname@example.org or at our snazzy eventbrite page here!
It’s the most wonderful ball of the year!