50 Questions to Free Your Mind: Question 16

My mopey writing must be getting boring. So I’m returning to 50 questions. I’ve been doing these for far too long to only be on question 16. Anyways, Ciara is amazing. As is Beyonce. These two ladies were my get out of bed motivators today and I love them.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?

It’s silly I guess but I wish I had the guts to go out and get gigs. All on my lonesome and playing what I want to play and spending time and committing to getting good and actually making money off of it. There are lots of reasons why I’m not doing this. Time constraints. Pleasing an audience with songs that they like rather than what you like. Not having adequate connections in the music scene here.

But there are other things holding me back. Fear. Inadequacy. Comparison to my other musician acquaintances who are all doing degrees in music and basing their lives off of it whereas I took the safe nursing career path. Instability. Lack of social skills. All summed up by not believing in myself.

But I digress. I shouldn’t complain. I am very grateful for my music opportunities. I get to teach and sing at weddings and sing with my father and sing in community centres for the elderly and, best of all, I get to play in the band in church.

So no more doom and gloom.

Only gratitude.

50 Questions to Free Your Mind: Question 15

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

A lot of things make me happy. Books. Disney characters. Tumblr. Good coffee. Holding hands with lovely people. My sparkly beautiful group of queers. Babies (particularly my adorable cousin Sebastian). Mezzo soprano arias. God. Skinny boys in suits. Red lipstick. Queer older couples. Flan Costello’s sticky floor.

Those things are not everyone’s taste (the latter particularly is the Marmite of Limerick.) Sometimes it’s frustrating when people don’t get it. Sometimes it’s frustrating to be out and about and be sick to shit of everything when everyone else is having the craic. But life would be boring if we were all enamoured with the same things.

There’s a balance to be struck. There is some sort of link between scarcity and desire – if I do the same awesome thing every day, I’ll probably start questioning its awesomeness, until I’m not able to do it for a while, then it will be great again. Even things that are only okay, seem so much better when I can’t do them. Just out of reach.

I’ve been trying to convince myself for years that it isn’t things and people that bring happiness. But it isn’t. Its us. Maybe that’s why none of us are the same.

50 Questions to Free Your Mind: Question 14

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

I could speculate and say that I worry differently or I study differently or I do any manner of deep, intellectual things differently, but I can’t know if other people also get strange intrusive thoughts or have regular hip pain or all the other things that I delude myself into thinking are solely related to myself.

So instead, I will tell you what I know I do differently than most. I use the wrong hands for cutlery. I hold my knife in my left hand and fork in my right hand and I’m not left handed. I have met one other person who does this and I fell instantly in love. Everyone else thinks I’m weird.

101 in 1001: Question 13

Would you break the law to save a loved one?

I suppose it depends on the law, the saving, and the loved one. I don’t think I could ever kill someone in cold blood, regardless of the situation. I’d fight like mad to save someone I loved in a fight. I’d steal food if we were starving. I’d get arrested for protesting to make someone’s life better. Extenuating circumstances aside, I like to stay within the law. Often times, my ethical principles and it collide.

Some laws I strongly disagree with. I believe euthanasia and abortion should be available options to those suffering and if a person I loved was in extraordinary amounts of pain and distress, I would like to fulfill their wishes, regardless of what the law says. Other laws, like the ones prohibiting gay marriage, are also completely up for breaking, in my opinion.

Of course, I am big talk. I don’t know if I could carry out an act that breaks the law to such a degree should the event actually occur. At the end of the day, I think it all comes down to who gets hurt in the situation. Could you greatly improve someone’s life? Are you causing yourself detrimental harm in the process? Could you live with the consequences of the law you are about to break?

Like I said. It depends. The law, the saving, the loved one.

50 Questions To Free Your Mind: Question 12

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Live your life to embrace your mistakes, to have no regrets, to love yourself, to love others, to grow and build character, to forgive, to let nobody judge or demean you, to learn as much as humanly possible (both from books and life), and know that happiness is the goal, whatever that means for you.

50 Questions to Free Your Mind: Question 11

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

This happens quite a lot. Maybe not to the same extent as the question probably means. But I have friends (we’ll call them A) who absolutely do not like other friends of mine (we’ll call them B.) A hates B. B started out really wanting them to get on, but I think has pretty much given up hope about it. So I have these two groups of friends who are somewhat at odds and I listen to it.

Sometimes I let the criticisms go over my head. Sometimes they are true. Nobody is perfect; everyone has their flaws. But then I go Mom on everyone’s ass and tell them to leave B alone.

If the people I respected were not my friends, but more people whose work I had respected or something, I probably would stay quiet. But I’d have a lot less respect for them afterwards.