The Epiphany Moment

Two amazing things happened at work today.

1. The boys showed up on time.

2. I think I finally got through to them. And with maths no less!

What the what?! As it happens, books are superfluous. As a typical academic, I have never personally needed a practical approach, perectly content to bask in the glory of the theoretical. So this was a hurdle for me to overcome: trying to think up a way to approach education in a way I have never experienced.

In fairness, I can’t take the credit for this breakthrough (the idea came from S) but it was still a sense of accomplishment. And now, to strike while the iron is hot. With practicalities such as CAD for area and perimeter, racing for speed and distance and Top Gear for literacy. Education never looked so unlike education.

I had another bit of an “oh” moment when I got up this morning. As you can probably guess, I never made it to the week sans binge. But then, I suppose I was technically restricting – albeit not to the past extent – so was it inevitable? Probably. Not so much from calorie deficiency anymore, but I am still tied to a diet mentality much as I try to convince myself I have changed. I still cling to numbers in a relatively unhealthy manner. And I had to ask myself, what am I waiting for? Am I waiting to lose 10 pounds before I start listening to my hunger cues? Do I expect things to magically change, even if my actions stay the same? No.

But I have also realised that I can’t be trusted to my own devices (without an inkling of a plan to guide me) but I also can’t depend on others to take care of me for the rest of my life. I need to start living my life in a way I can sustain once this year off ends. Otherwise, I will go to college, realise I don’t have the time to exercise 6-10 hours a week without burnout, have an utter freakout and be back at square one. And that’s no good.

If I’m going to change, I’m going to change now. For real. And I have a feeling it’s going to suck along the way. But to quote a phrase I have seen multiple times in the blogosphere of late:

Nobody said recovery would be easy. Only that it would be worth it.


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