You Know The Madness Is Genetic When…

Instead of looking on in shame and disgust at your Chandler-style dancing whilst singing “Acceptable In The 80s”…

Your Dad happily joins in.

I made it 4 days binge free. And now after Wednesday’s giant fail and the futility of yesterday, I am starting again. I feel very Alcoholics Anonymous about the recovery process in the last day – namely, taking day one at a time and more importantly, coming to the conclusion that it may not be possible to eliminate the binge eating habit without the persistant thoughts that I need to be lighter. Don’t get me wrong, I have gotten much better at fighting the urge to restrict. That is really not an issue anymore. But I hated when I hit 8 and a half stone. I hated even more when I hit 9, and subsequently 9 and a half stone. My perception of myself has at this point become so blurred that I can no longer remember what I was like at any previous weight, be it large or small. So from the fit of my jeans I am telling myself that I am a different 9 and a half stone than I was last time. I stronger, more muscular, healthier nine and a half stone. I am hoping that this is the truth and not just my brain trying to protect me.

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2 thoughts on “You Know The Madness Is Genetic When…

  1. How excellent that you Da joins you! He’s a special man, that one is. And you’re a special young woman. Kate, you’re always going to have that little voice inside you nattering about how much you weigh, what you ate and how your clothes fit. But you’re getting control of it now, and that is what really matters. Muscle is heavy and it changes your shape when you develop more of it, as you’ve noticed in the fit of your jeans. I’ll bet you’re a stunner now! Keep getting stronger, Kate… in body *and* in mind.

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