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Its Florence Nightingale’s birthday so its the day to celebrate nurses around the world.
I’m quite tired. I find it semi-hilarious that when I’m quite tired I tend to blog instead of sleep. Clearly I have my priorities straight.
I’m still very busy, I have scripts and dances and songs to learn for work, facts about heart conditions and hereditary diseases to learn for college, plans and protocols to learn for my impending role as VP/Secretary for Out in UL. I have to skip the Great Limerick Run in favour of rehearsals but I am still hoping to do my birthday race so am trying to fit in runs. I am not sure how well I am doing but I’m tipping away.
I am now at the level of tired that all I want to do with my life is read books and record songs and write random poems for random boys. In short, its the time of year when I want to just be an artiste, knowing full well that given the opportunity I would spend all my time on facebook. I blame exams.
So I’m going to take Damien Rice’s advice and Sleep. Don’t Weep. And carry on.
Cut to 2:40 and you have the life of a nurse 
/Dead.
Two amazing things happened at work today.
1. The boys showed up on time.
2. I think I finally got through to them. And with maths no less!
What the what?! As it happens, books are superfluous. As a typical academic, I have never personally needed a practical approach, perectly content to bask in the glory of the theoretical. So this was a hurdle for me to overcome: trying to think up a way to approach education in a way I have never experienced.
In fairness, I can’t take the credit for this breakthrough (the idea came from S) but it was still a sense of accomplishment. And now, to strike while the iron is hot. With practicalities such as CAD for area and perimeter, racing for speed and distance and Top Gear for literacy. Education never looked so unlike education.
I had another bit of an “oh” moment when I got up this morning. As you can probably guess, I never made it to the week sans binge. But then, I suppose I was technically restricting - albeit not to the past extent – so was it inevitable? Probably. Not so much from calorie deficiency anymore, but I am still tied to a diet mentality much as I try to convince myself I have changed. I still cling to numbers in a relatively unhealthy manner. And I had to ask myself, what am I waiting for? Am I waiting to lose 10 pounds before I start listening to my hunger cues? Do I expect things to magically change, even if my actions stay the same? No.
But I have also realised that I can’t be trusted to my own devices (without an inkling of a plan to guide me) but I also can’t depend on others to take care of me for the rest of my life. I need to start living my life in a way I can sustain once this year off ends. Otherwise, I will go to college, realise I don’t have the time to exercise 6-10 hours a week without burnout, have an utter freakout and be back at square one. And that’s no good.
If I’m going to change, I’m going to change now. For real. And I have a feeling it’s going to suck along the way. But to quote a phrase I have seen multiple times in the blogosphere of late:
Nobody said recovery would be easy. Only that it would be worth it.
I start my new job. Teaching. And not just giving grinds or teaching music.
Actually teaching. Literacy and numeracy.
Me? A teacher?! What the what?!?
I’ll let you know how it goes. And if its bad…well, I held chair pose for fairly long during my morning’s yoga, nothing can be as bad as that, right?!
Whilst I am not quite 100%, I no longer feel like I am in a completely stagnant rut, doomed to repeat myself until the end of time. I now feel like I can accept the bad days, relish the increasingly good days and altogether change. Its still a slow process but it doesn’t seem completely redundant anymore.
Reasons To Feel Good
- It’s Christmas in 7 days!!! I am particularly excited this year because for the first time in a long time there was no particlar request for an item under the tree so its all a big surprise. I die in anticipation.
- I got through my week of drinking 8 glasses of water a day (a small achievement but an achievement nonetheless)
- I quite like my new job. And usually, I hate all jobs besides performing or teaching. But retail ain’t that bad.
- Even though I am working Christmas Eve, Elf is on when I get home. I have already seen Elf twice this holiday season and I am still excited to see it again.
- Dinner at lunch time is excellent. Like, really really excellent.
- I got through a Thursday without a binge. This is MIGHTY.
- I can hold a plank for aaaaaaaaaaages.
- My heels are creeping more and more to the floor in Downward Dog.
- I have excellent teachers and friends and family surrounding me.
- Did I mention CHRISTMAS?!?!
Apologies for such a mundane post. I am boring when I am not moping.
Tiredness + Free Chinese Food + Lots of Icing (without cake…) + Children’s Disco = Headachey, Tummy Achey Kate.
At least we didn’t have to rock the boat…
I feel good today. I woke up late again (really must get out of this habit…) but I started the day with exercise (keep those mad arm muscles in tip top shape ) and settled down for some study. Now, I know Deane has to be done. Its tipped to be the big Set Works question on this year’s Leaving Cert and in reality, its not that difficult. But to actually sit down and listen to it. I’d rather be scratched by cats, thanks. I’d post a link, but trust me, you do not want that. Buuuut… I did it. Deane is learnt. To a reasonable extent. And before I start in on my Irish, I can proudly say the day is productive.
Last night also proved as good. I had the epic idea of making up set lists because now I am determined to be a competent live music act by the time my Leaving Cert is done and make a few bob for college and that. College and pretty dresses. The guitar is whipped out with intention of regaining my former skills and piano and uke are in preparation. Although a new uke needs to be bought (giant crack in the side with crappy tuning heads = nnot happy Kate) so hint hint…
And as an added bonus, Mammy came up with an idea for this evening. Bowling. Just randomly out of the blue. So Family Bowling Night is on. Expect a post on my awesomely-lame family outing. You gotta love my parents and their odd ideas. If its not bowling, its betting on horses or impromptu trips to various parts of the country. No wonder I am the way I am.
The night out with Mammy proved productive “Wanna sing a song?” says he. After establishing what he had said (I’m ridiculously deaf given my youth) I agreed (the performer in me always nagging to get out.)
So what does one in such youth perform to the discerning audience of Clohessy’s? Duffy? Britney? Oh no, naive minded readers. For one’s debut, one must whip out the songs of one’s youth. Yes, it is of course, Mary Black.
Things I could’ve improved on: coughing, making eye contact, looking at words… Buuuuuuuuuuuut a little rehearsal and song choice should fix that right up. Now all I need is an agent.
Business card anyone? =P
