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On the bright side, I am fairly sure I owned my French oral today. I got to speak about music to my heart’s content, along with my plans for Oxegen and what I would do if I had lovely sums of Lotto money. On an immense high (my maths teacher had also let me borrow her epic solutions book and equations were working) I came home with a sense of relief, and a new found motivation to work, something that has been sorely missing for the last few weeks.
Usual routine, hopped onto facebook, checked my e-mails and found there a new e-mail from UL. For the full impact of this result, I suggest reading my tales of auditioning here. Note particularly my tone of joy and excitement.
I regret to inform you that based on particular consideration of the outcome of the auditions, the panel was not in a position to recommend your application and consequently the University will not be offering you a place on the above course
Awesome.
If I ever sit back and think about it, I sometimes wonder how any characteristic quirks came about. Some I’m crystal clear on: my fear of elevators I wholeheartedly blame on an episode of Fireman Sam I saw when I was 4; I play piano because I wasn’t allowed get a violin; I learned to sing belting tunes into my dad’s mic stand from age 2. Other things though are more hazy: when, for example, did I become obsessed with getting a ukulele? Or more important even, when did becoming a doctor become an all consuming passion? It’s not because of the hospital dramas. I swear. Regardless of how these interests came about, the fact is, they’re here now and my ever-so-slightly-obsessive personality won’t let them go.
So, this is why it is a touch terrifying to start questioning. I’m midway through my second week of summer camp at the mo, and while the first week was awesome, I find my enthusiasm waning with every passing day. I’m not sure whether its just that the novelty has worn off or maybe its the head cold that has been invading my body for the past few days, but I just want out. And my question is: if I can’t handle three weeks of a children’s summer camp, the how the juice am I supposed to spend my life on long-haul shifts of healing people? O_O
I’ve been making excuses for my hatred of work for years: its too mundane to hold my attention, I’m of an artistic temperment and require free reign on my time, I’m too sick to work. Blegh, shut up brain, no one gets anywhere with that attitude. But if I think about it, with the exception of school and music, I’ve rarely kept anything up for much longer than 6 months. But, man, I want to be a doctor. So I better grow up.
Its scary stuff. I’m hoping it’s just the cold.
What a way to start a new endeavour. Pessimism.
But really, starting this is not a good idea. I have so many good intentions, work summer camp, get my learner’s permit, do some math, keep my room tidy, exercise like a madman, and yet I still plan on writing my odd musings on a big scary public forum like the internet. No sense in it at all.
And yet, what with all my already bloggy friends, I’m caving to the peer pressure. I’m looking at you Klara.
Hopefully this one will last 
